Stand-Up or Sit-Down: The Best Excrement Disposal Accessories, Hands-Down

As you are all aware, men are always in the know. And if there's one thing we have to be in the know about, it's our own domain. On a recent jaunt to my daily hangout, I came up with a list of the best toilets, urinals, and TPs for any man. Enjoy.

1. For the 100 99 people who own the Ferrari Enzo (Damn You Stefan Erikssen!): The RFX10.9 Carbon Fiber Royal Flush Station:

Carbon fiber is one of the greatest and most expensive materials on earth, due to its superior strength and weight properties. What better way to make full use of its properties then by making a stationary toilet out of it. This is a mighty fine toilet, and if when I get the money, there's going to be five in my house, each with a steering wheel and two petals on the floor.

2. For those who are either extremely daring, or secretly perverted: The "Don't Miss A Sec" by Monica Bonvicini at the Tate Britain Gallery:

There really is no need to describe this restroom, because the picture shows it all: it's a real, functioning restroom completely surrounded by one-way mirrors. If I walked by it, I'd probably bang on the side and yell just to scare the--well, you know--out of whoever was using it.

3. For those who like to have gnomes all over their lawn: The Water Lily Urinal, by Clark Sorensen:

Looking at these urinals, all I can think of is "classy." Seriously, though, these works of art are pretty intricate, and if you have the chance, you should check out the artist's site, linked above.

4. For those who Constantly need to be playing games: M.I.T. designed Urine Control:

You may not understand what is going on in this picture, but the video below explains why the guy on the left is wearing an artificial penis (quite an impressive display of ingenuity and design). He's wearing it because he wants to test out the newest arcade machine for the bathroom. While I myself have not used the machine, I could probably kill any guy who challenged me to Duck Hunt on this thing. (Sorry ladies, you can't participate unless you own the Shenis )

5. For the die hard Rolling Stones fan, there's really no substitute for the Bathroom-Mania Kisses Urinal:

This design is pretty grotesque in terms of size, color, and every other damn thing about it. Which is why it has to be on this list. Start me up!

6. For those ready: to serve in the Peace Corps, I recommend the The ZerH20:

On a serious note, this toilet is ingenious. Although it looks like a UFO, the main purpose of this toilet is to provide a fully-functioning, hygienic toilet that contains all pollution and sterilizes all the harmful bacteria without the use of chemicals, running water, or electricity. The container is portable, compact, easy to assemble, and is great for rural, developing areas. I must mention however, the I still have no clue how this contraption works. It just does.

7. For those who have children with annoyingly small bladders: The Indipod:

This portable Toilet works like a tent. When not in use, it fits in a small wrapped package. But when deployed, the nylon shell spreads out like a balloon to not only provide privacy but also to contain all the smells that come with using the restroom. This would have been especially useful in a recent cross country drive through Utah (freaking 100+ miles with no rest stop at all!).

8. For those who want to live like P. Diddy, Donald Trump, or Jay-Z: The Renova Black:

No other color suggests money and class louder then a dark, sharp-colored black. And what better way to show that you have money and class then by wiping your ass with expensive toilet paper. Each roll is about $3.50, and if you want to buy it, you can buy a three or six-pack of these rolls for a little more than $20. This, with a black tile bathroom and the carbon fiber toilet, would just scream "I've F***ing Made It, B****!"

9. Those who want a pet but live in a studio apartment might gibe the The Fish-n-Flush a shot:

This toilet is surprisingly space-efficient. It also gives you something to do while you sit on the crapper thinking about clever articles to write at work tomorrow. The toilet aquarium and the tank are separate, so you don't have to worry about the fish being flushed down the hole too. But if you're going to put goldfish in the aquarium, you might as well flush them, as they pretty much live for a only a week, anyway.

10. For those who constantly need to be in the know: The Yi Tien RSStroom:

"This just in... Barry Bonds denies use of Steroids." What better way to show what you think about the news then to use the BS to wipe away your own S. Seriously though, this is a pretty useful item, and I would much rather check the status of my stocks with this rather than using my cell phone or any other handheld electronic while I'm sitting on the toilet.

By: jason lee